Do you ever think about what you have to do and be, in order to relate to others as you are right now?

We all create illusions for people in the beginning – hopefully as we get to know them we become more and more of our true selves, but what if we feel we can’t?

What parts of yourself do you have to erase, dumb down or put on hold? What parts do you need to turn the volume up on or shield in order that others may feel safe or that they can relate? What role are you playing? What costumes are you wearing in order that you may go about in this world?

Conversely, do you ever think about what others need to do for you in this same way? Would you want them to continue?

Do you really want to be always concealing or exaggerating your true qualities in order to connect with others? Is the effort worth the cost to your soul?

A genuine connection in all your rawness should be at the heart of all your close relationships. If you need to hide parts, it isn’t a true connection.

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit. ‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’ 

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit